emo max.

when did language pass year papers become so tough to me?
or is it really my problem that i dont remember what i learnt?
or is it because things that we have not learnt before will actually come out in the exam?

sonsengnim, reply my email tmr, okay?!
tell me that i can ignore the pyp can?
tell me that u guys changed the syllabus can?

and and
i spent so much time in forensic science:
listening to lecture recording,
doing notes,
anylyzing and trying to memorize the cases.
but today i just failed to ans 90% of the questions my friend pointed out to me!
how !? tell me how !?

i really couldn't continue anymore.
am scared.
will the paper come out to be like this !?

blame it on the pms then.

yan
*i dont know why but you are needed now*

do me a favour

some conversations brought me back to the memories that i have locked and sealed.

lost.
unsure.
confused.

i'm not sure how many readers i have.
not sure whether you will be reading this.
but allow me to speak my thought here.

"just let go and move on!
we do not deserve all these shit!"

yan
*or was it not a good closure?*

school reopened.
busy busy busy!

STUCK!
am waiting for emails emails and emails to proceed to the planning part.

how should i describe this?
pek cek? moody?

my to-do-list for UWW is so damn long!
my stars planner is not settled yet!
i don't know which module to choose!
my room is like so messy!

ARGGGHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh~~

yan
*it is gonna be over soon!*

why!
i planned to spend the whole day with my family today
but why did they ruin my mood early in the morning?

CRAZY!
they are always like that!
ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

yan
*no choice but to show my bitchy face now!*

ignorable

dear you,

how's life?
mine's not easy.
friends around me are treating me good
it's just that i am easily irritated these days
have i changed?

nobody knows me well
it makes me miss u even more

future seem blur for me
i shall start planning right?
can we talk?

yan
*it's all coming back to me now*

the process

Officially shifted to hall 1. and have been staying here since 2 weeks ago.
hall 1 is not as bad as i thought but i have only 2 concern:

1. ants
2. hot

some photos to show u the process.

not all are mine. i used 1 day to pack everything. proud!

sorry pw, i din want to include u in my pretty pictures. but u were there so no choice =P and btw, empty book rack =(

emo. i missed the aircond room already =((((((((

our room in hall 1 (before unpacking)

the emo corridor


the emo night view from my room


our shared toilet with the neighbour next door. apparently NEIGHBOURS.


quite nice to have an attached toilet actually




new roomie




it's not as messy as u see here actually. =D

browsing through the photos just now make me miss some of the stuff i threw away before shifted to hall one.

my printer. T.T


calculus text book


the form 6 math notes that reminds me of everything

yan
*it was not my day*

monday blue

if u realize,
i've been chion-ing at lee wee nam library / hall 8 study room / hall 10 study room since 2 or 3 weeks ago.
that's so not ying yan right?

it's not that i wanna piah to first class ( which i'm not even close to )
or i wanna avoid anything.
dont think too much.
i'm just stressed.
i am stressed.
seriously.

it's like the 6th final exams i've sat since i stepped into ntu
scary.
every exams are haunting me.

i can tell you loudly that i am catching up my weekly work pretty fine this semester,
not to forget my 16 AUs of classes and 8 hours of work per week.
i think i utilized my time quite well and managed to play hard too.
(i syiok sendiri but i am happy ♥ )

if u wanna tell me that i look slack or u think i have been playing too much
i dont care.
at least i know what i am doing.
and i know jogging and spending time talking to friends everyday have now become my destressing act.
glad to have a daily routine like this but i miss sleeping.
as in. sleeping sweetly.

tomorrow is monday
scary monday that i am going to tense from 9am til 5pm.
i know why.

off to study room now.
12am sharp.

yan
*give me your hand*

my ugly truth

so i started to realize how bad my face complexion is,
how rough my skin is,
how dark my eyebags are,
how obvious my new born black hairs are.

ohhhhnoooo.....

yan
*are u sure women start aging at 25?*

it's not that i cannot sleep when i am alone in the room
it's not that i cannot live without anybody
it's not that i don't want to open up my heart

it's just...
it's just ... just frustrated to feel like this..
ya.. i just hate feeling like this..

mood swings
lalala..

yan
*shutting down*

sometimes i rather that i hear nothing
just like the rest
do not have to know
do not have to care
i feel tiredness on my shoulders

let me breathe
slow this down

how i wish i could go back to tasmania now

Cataract Gorge Reserve, Launceston

at least i saw carefree over there


yan
*sudden emo*

out of nowhere

i realize that i have been so worried
i mean
i start to worry for everything
things that happened,
things that yet to happened,
things that are happening.

out of nowhere
i feel lost
i feel empty

yan
*right here*

when 4 becomes 1

i am dead.
so dead.

i din even want to wake up from the nap so that i don't have to continue studying.

@@

i had 3 papers within 26 hours. very shiong! very tiring! i feel like giving up already.

and in about 36 hours from now, i will be having my last paper- ode. so of course out of guilt, i am sitting in from of my computer, wanted so much to start mugging. but when i see matrices.. numbers.. theorem.. OMG!! i cant get over to the other 2 math modules that i have sat for.

MY MIND IS SPINNING!! it is all blended together already!!

looking at the ode notes, i am blanked!! i thought i already prepared for it loooooooooooooong before i started my first paper. omg! so alien to me!!

can u say hi? can u talk?

initially i wanted to talk about the paper that i took this afternoon but haihh.. suan le bah~ i think.. suan le bah~~

too many things are in my mind. i cannot sort out which are rubbish. HELP!!!

yan
*remember to breathe*

are you stupid too?

i think i am stupid
the surrounding has structured me into someone so damn irritably stupid idiot!
(got grammar mistake or not? whatever, you know what i mean)

tell me that i'm not alone
tell me that you are stupid too

hahahah~!

i am very stressed
yes, stress level: MAX
no attention is needed
don't have to say anything
just read this and close your windows

hahahah~!

stupid!!
i never labeled myself "stupid" before leh! OMG!

hahahah~!

why do i keep laughing in my post while i have =( on my face?

give me an "S" for my HP806- Psychology Of Crisis STRESS Management.

STRESS?

yes, this module thought us how to handle stress and stuffs in a crisis or in our daily life. honestly, i like the lecture(r) haha! but well, i cannot apply the theory-theory sekalian here to aid myself ):

make me pass all my core modules with at least.. i mean.. AT LEAST a B??
and my jap? i did some mistakes. aiks! let me score let me score!!

namonamonamonamonamo

arghhh... i dare not dream further
the notes are killing
the tutorials and pass year questions are devils!!
i don't even understand the solution!!

stay positive, stay focus, ignore anything that can affect my mood!

omitabah~~~

yan
*i have to save me from myself*

abulalalalala..

warning: first part is rubbish so it belongs to "dustbin" while the second part is not and belong to "new stuff" =)

i feel like bloggin. i am very sien!!

you know, i have just used my 2.5 hours to finish up my TUTORIAL ONE!

*YA ALLAH*

so ok, blog. i wanna blog about.................................. ok nothing to blog about! concentrate, lim ying yan!! start your TUTORIAL TWO noooooooooow! arggh... 2 only !!! ok actually i am done with 7 to 10. HAHAHA~! WHAT'S SO FUNNY!!!!

grrrr.......

so, something to share. NEW STUFF NEW STUFF!! to my dearest lappy!! congrats!! im gonna announce that

I AM USING WINDOWS 7 RIGHT NOW!

credtits to MR. CHEAH WEI SHIN

(nah, you ask me to caps lock it and print screen to my blog one ha! i give u free gift: i bold it too!)

ya, after using for about 5 days, i find that this OS is really wonderful. at least, oh i mean it is obviously better than vista (: go try people!

yan
*focus...concentrate...whatever!*

tiredness

i'm a screwdrive

i screw everything up

my mid terms, my studies, my friendship, my relationship..

i have no idea how to conduct this drama anymore

anymore..

yan

*too much drama*

kill me!

gg.

this week-

today (tue) : ODE Homework Assignment due - submitted!

tomorrow (wed) : Stochastic Mid-term - tutorials untouched!

thursday: UWW meeting with the chair and vices

friday: UWW meeting with wendy

satuday: UWW main committee meeting cum gathering - now i hate gatherings!

next week-

monday: SU joint meeting - important!

tuesday: HP806 Quiz - untouched but i already s/u it! *phew*

wednesday: Regression Mid-term - #1 ponteng subject, TOUCHED NONE!

thursday: ODE Mid-term - the lecturer brought this date forward! it was supposed to be on SATURDAY!!

I GOT NO TIME TO STUDY ALREADY! GG!!!!!!

yan

*confirm die*

it's just a conversation to myself so you can ignore the following:

i am feared.

going back to the stressful island is so scary!

i dont want to go back!

i start to realize that sometimes i was really acting in singapore.

com'on who doesnt?

we've got no choice but to hide our true emotions sometimes.

and i think i have got used to it,

and when i come back to this island called home,

i realize that i can no longer communicate well,

outcome from too many pretendings, ha!

i got no example to elaborate,

but that's just how i feel.

but face it, yan!

that's what you have chosen,

that's CAs waving to you,

homework, assignments to submit,

so many dates to meet!

meetings.. stress... midterms.. human-to-human-communications... dramatic life... omg!

i see no air in singapore!

yan

*i am not counting down, i am not!*